TOXIC AFFIRMATION

Affirmation can be a beautiful, necessary, and holy thing.

Speaking from a personal perspective, I can remember (with great clarity) occasions in my childhood, adolescence, and even as an adult, when I was overjoyed and my confidence bolstered when either of my parents, or a coach, or a friend offered up the simple phrase “I’m proud of you”. It was like rocket fuel for my soul.

Knowing how meaningful those simple words of affirmation were for me, I have strived to be quick, sincere, and intentional with them in my own life as a husband, dad, pastor, friend, and leader. There’s no question in my mind that the Lord uses well deserved affirmation that is passed on from one believer to another to build up, strengthen, and encourage His church.
There’s certainly scriptural precedent for the use of affirmation. I think of the Apostle Paul’s epistle to the Philippian church for example. He directly affirmed their faithful obedience to the Lord (Phil 2:12), their willingness to sacrifice (Phil 4:14-18), publicly stated the great value he placed upon them as brothers and sisters (Phil 1:3)

His letter wasn’t only filled with general words of affirmation for the entire body of believers in Philippi, either. He specifically did the same with individual Christians such as Timothy (Phil 2:22), Epaphroditus (2:30), as well as Euodia and Syntyche (Phil 4:3).

The use of affirmation is even modeled for us by our Heavenly Father as He stated, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well-pleased.” (Matt 3:17) after Jesus was baptized by John in the Jordan River.

I don’t think that it’s possible to delve into the Holy Scriptures and come to any other conclusion than one that regards words of sincere affirmation to be powerful, profitable, and faith building. It’s my view that we should be looking for ways to encourage fellow believers in this way.

With that being said, affirmation can also be toxic.

In my devotional reading several weeks ago, I came to a passage in the first chapter of Romans that caused me to pause and reflect on the difference between life-giving affirmation and life-taking affirmation.

I want to encourage you to read Romans 1:18-32 in its entirety. While certainly not an exhaustive list, the passage does name an abundance of specific sins that kindle the anger of the Lord.  In this list, you’ll find everything from sexual impurity and idolatry to arrogance and hatred.

The passage concludes with this unsettling warning that caught my eye and caused me to think deeply about the subject that I am tackling in this article, “Although they know God’s just sentence—that those who practice such things deserve to die—they not only do them, but even applaud others who practice them”

I write this article with the presumption that you too have noticed that there has been a growing push in our broader society to accept and even affirm that which God has declared evil.

I also presume that you, like myself, have noticed this trend has infiltrated the lives of many professing Christians, churches, and entire denominations.

I want to be careful to be charitable here and say that I really do believe that the elevation of tolerance, acceptance, and affirmation as the supreme virtue of human behavior is rooted in a sincere (albeit dangerously erroneous) desire to show kindness and love to others.  

Yet, sincere motivation doesn’t always equate to God-honoring actions.

In a culture where proudly and openly flaunting sin is deemed as a courageous act that should be applauded, and standing upon the scriptures in opposition to such depravity is seen as hateful and unkind behavior, many professing believers have succumbed to the pressure and the demand that they must affirm everyone’s proclivities, no matter what the Bible says, and cheer on their depravity.

It is deeply unsettling to me that many who call themselves Christian think that they are showing love, hospitality, and kindness by openly affirming and endorsing unscriptural beliefs and wicked behaviors.

It is one thing to be kind and respectful. It is another thing to affirm and approve behaviors and ideologies that the scriptures have declared as wickedness. When this occurs, those who are held captive to Satan’s vices are enabled and encouraged to continue in such things, happily sipping the poison that will eventually kill them.

“Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness, who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.” – Isaiah 5:20

As our world drifts farther and farther away from God, it is essential that God’s people to “stand firm in the faith” (1 Cor 16:13). This kind of stand means lots of thing, and certainly among them is an admonition that we never approve of depravity so that we might avoid conflict, dodge criticism or signal personal virtue.
Often, when loving believers take their stand upon the scriptures, they are met with push-back that sounds something like, “You don’t sound much like Jesus! He loved everyone and welcomed sinners.”

Jesus absolutely welcomed sinners, but He also demanded that they turn from their transgressions and be transformed by the power of the Gospel.

Think about it. The first recorded words of Jesus as He began His public ministry were, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!”. In Luke 13:3, He warned, “unless you repent, you will all perish”.

In John 4, there’s a remarkable display of compassion that Jesus shows a woman who was deep in sexual sin. The love and grace that was shown to her is without rival, yet He also confronted her with the truth of her transgressions. Listen to what He tells her in John 4:18, “you’ve had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.”

There’s another beautiful story of the great love of Jesus being expressed toward a woman who was caught in the act of adultery in 8th chapter of John. She had been pulled out into the street and was facing the possibility of public execution when the Lord Jesus steps in. While the bloodthirsty mob of legalist wanted to pelt her with stones until she drew her last breath, the Lord Jesus compassionately offered her forgiveness. Do you remember His last command to her? Read it carefully in John 8:11, “Go, and from now on do not sin anymore.”

Jesus loves these individuals well, doesn’t He? His actions are to be an example for those who follow Him, correct?

He not only shows them love by showing them great compassion and kindness, but by telling them the truth and calling them to repentance. Not once, in the entirety of the scriptures, will you find the Lord affirming or endorsing sin. Neither will you find such things in the lives of faithful followers of Jesus.

That would actually be the opposite of love.

No matter if it’s framed as tolerant, welcoming, and kind to affirm and applaud sin in another person's life, it is an altogether wicked thing to know someone was skipping towards the edge of a cliff and not warn them of the coming disaster, calling them to change directions before it’s too late.

That’s love.

“Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth.” – 1 Corinthians 13:6

The compassionate and profitable response of Christians toward those who are caught up in their sin is to lovingly tell them the truth and encourage them toward repentance and righteousness.

As Christ-followers, we are exhorted not only to resist evil ourselves, but we are admonished not to offer approval to others who indulge in depravity.

The flesh is to be crucified, never coddled.
Sin must be annihilated, never affirmed.

In Christ Alone,
Pastor Kyle